The call

I feel closest to God when I teach. I see him in the innocence and bliss within the sparkles of their eyes. I look into these eyes. I want to help, I want to train them to see the world, I want to see what they see. Solace in those sparkles.

I know that when I’m in the classroom I am doing God’s work and that makes me feel like a shiny penny, like I’ve been shot up with perspective, like a golden ticket holder. You know that inevitable pep in your step when you buy a new pair of shoes and flounce around, wearing them for the first time? The way you walk…you hold yourself high; dignified, important, special, significant. People around you point out how special your shoes are…compliment you even…Look at you go in your new shoes. God has made teaching my students feel like I wear a new pair of shoes every day. God has given me the gift of an irreversible Mr. Tommy swag. These new shoes? They walk on sunshine. They walk on water. They light up. The stomp on bullying and discrimination. They feel like I’m not even wearing anything at all. They make me happy. If I clicked them three times, I’d know I was home.

I never felt the call to do anything. I looked and looked, listened and listened, prayed and prayed, searched high and low, cried and cried. Still, no call. The world around me stood still as my friends were answering their life’s calls and I sat on hold. Dial tones. Your party cannot be reached. Leave a message and we’ll get back to you.  Am I dialing the right number? Is this pay phone even on? How does this work, God…tell me what I have to do? When are you going to get back to me? I felt like the only kid in the classroom who didn’t get invited to life’s birthday party. I held onto the hope that my invitation was just lost in the mail. It would come soon. I could join the party. Eventually my grasp on these hopes of finding the IT; the SOMETHING; the forever and ever amen, loosened until I couldn’t bear to cling on to my feeble inner reassurances any longer.

One day out of the blue, everything changed. From the depths of the darkest point in my life, a ring came from the rotary. God is a weird guy, isn’t he? Look at him calling at a time like this. When I needed it the most. I believe it when they say he works in mysterious ways. Ring, ring, ring. Teaching? My call? Me? Mr. Tommy? I’ll see you on Monday.

Teaching was a potential professional roadway that my Kia Soul hadn’t zoomed 90 down yet, but I was ready and willing to pop my baby in reverse and exit at the opportunity ramp approaching. The day I answered my call as a job and life skills coach in a special education classroom changed my life. It changed my future. It changed Me. Within minutes of being around my students, getting to know them, establishing the inside jokes, gaining that rapport, learning everything there was to know about them. Laughing with them. Crying with them. Influencing their right and wrong. Watching them soar. I was enthralled. I’m still enthralled. I will always be enthralled. Every day my sense of obligation, my obsession with my little golden tickets grows. Being in the classroom nurtures this growth and my students wouldn’t dare prune their Mr. Tommy. I knew this was my call. I exited on the right ramp. I could feel it in my soul. My Kia Soul. The soul doesn’t lie. I moves us onwards and upwards, ready or not. It’s nothing but Free Bird from here. Maybe I didn’t know exactly where I was going…do any of us? But finally going the speed limit on a roadway paved with goodness and clarity eased my troubled soul and lifted away the darkness I once felt. Sun roof open: “III’M AS FREE AS A BIIIIRD”. Next stop Trinity.

Enrolling at Trinity was the obvious next step that I had to take to keep up with my call. It had the best continental breakfast offered in my travels. I wanted to learn approaches to teaching laced morality and undertones of compassion and empathy that I knew only a Christian college could offer me. God checks in every now and again in his ~mysterious ways~ and I wanted to make sure that when he did, that I was living up to my newfound natural potential. I owed it to my Lord. I owed it to my students. I owed it to Mr. Tommy. Today I stand proud to accept God’s check in, instead of waiting in desperation.

This calling is my world. My absolute fire burning passion. My reason to wake up in the morning. My daily exercise in creativity, empathy, and silly. Sure, knowing that I can be an example as an extension of God’s grace is a reason I do this. But the power that comes with inflicting social change, benefiting the lives and minds of future members of society, and making a difference in my pocket of the world is a reason I can’t see myself doing anything else. Maybe my call just took longer...Why do we put precedence on the time it takes to find the call? Everyone’s call is different and mine makes me feel special...like I've got a new pair of shoes waiting on the other line. Knowing what I had to go through to finally hear the ring makes my teaching experience all the more intrinsic to me. Today I feel like the millions of messages that I left on God’s voicemail have been answered, and I am not sorry for filling up his heavenly inbox.